Why I Chose a Child Free Life
Having children isn’t for everyone, and I’m one of those people. Growing up I didn’t think I would be living child free life as an adult. I always imagined I’d get married and have children one day. I thought about what kind of Mom I would be and how I would decorate my future child’s room. I thought about names and what they would look like. I even started a Pinterest board for nurseries and pinned the cutest inspiration photos. I thought one day I’d be in that phase of my life. Little did I know that my journey around motherhood would be different than most women.
My husband Steve and I started dating in 2011 and got engaged in 2013 and married in 2014. We talked about having kids before we got married and both agreed that we would eventually but not anytime soon. We both wanted to enjoy being married and maybe do some traveling and buy a house before we had a child. Throughout our marriage we talked about how we would discipline them, the cool things we would take them to do and we even discussed names we liked. Each year of marriage that passed we kept saying “maybe next year” and each year we still didn’t feel ready.
One big reason that I didn’t feel ready was because two months after our wedding my Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer so I was preoccupied with her well being and the last thing on my mind was bringing a child into the world. As my Mom battled cancer I also found out that I was positive for the BRCA2 gene mutation which drastically increased my risk for many cancers. My doctors told me that as soon as I was done having children that they would recommend that I have my breasts and ovaries removed to significantly reduce my risk of breast and ovarian cancer. I knew I couldn’t put my family members through another traumatic event with the possibility of getting cancer so I knew early on that I would want to take preventive measures. In 2018 I ended up loosing my Mom to ovarian cancer and it was then I decided that I would not let that happen to me. I knew that my Mom would want me to take whatever actions necessary to avoid the pain she suffered.
My husband and I were still not 100% sure we wanted children so we took the next year to explore it further and decide what we wanted to do. I continued with routine monitoring but the anxiety while waiting for the results was overwhelming. I knew then that I had to get my ovaries removed and figured I might as well do my breasts as well since I figured I could get them reconstructed. We eventually both decided that we did not desire to be parents and didn’t feel the need to have a child was worth prolonging my high risk of cancer. I went through with the surgeries in 2020 and at the age of 33, had both of my breasts and both ovaries removed. I didn’t come out of the surgery feeling sad or depressed, but rather relieved and empowered. It’s now been two years later I’m still happy with the decision I made. My husband and I are both still on the same page and agree that our lives are perfectly full and happy without kids.
Steve and I enjoy each others company and didn’t feel the need to complicate our lives with bringing a child into the world. We did both agree that we would be open to adoption in the future if our feelings were to change. Its now been two years since I had my ovaries removed and we haven’t regretted it yet. One of the advantages of being child free is that we like to keep to ourselves and are not overly social people and not having children allows us to live that lifestyle. If we had kids we would be forced to go to school events, kids birthday parties, soccer games, Disneyland etc. Instead we do what we want to do with our time such as enjoying the outdoors either hunting, hiking or backpacking. We want to spend our free time traveling and exploring the nature that our beautiful country has to offer. When we want to take off on a trip we can at a moments notice. We like to have the flexibility to live our lives the way we want to without any strings attached. Since we chose to be child free we have taken a backpacking trip in the Trinity Alps, hiked all over Yosemite, hunted antelope in Wyoming, retreated to the pacific coast for some vitamin sea, and enjoyed every minute of it!
Having our two Labrador dogs, Dude and Rusty fills any emptiness in our home. They are like our children and I spoil them to no end. They come inside every evening and sleep in our room, Dude on the floor on his round fluffy bed and Rusty in our king size bed right between Steve and I. Having those two to love on and cuddle is all I need to feel needed and loved unconditionally. We also are lucky to have 4 nieces and 1 nephew thanks to our brothers, so we have kids in our lives. We love being able to watch them grow and learn and love being a part of their lives.
Once I had made up my mind and told people we weren’t having kids when they asked I got a lot of different responses. I had a lot of people tried to convince me to have children when I told them I didn’t want any. Many said I would regret it or I would be lonely when I’m old. Choosing to not have children is not normal so I got why people looked shocked when I told them. Thankfully I had some supportive reactions. A few friends and family agreed with my reasoning and understood where I was coming from. Of course there are moments where I question my decision and think “Did I make a big mistake? Should I have had my own kids?” But deep down I knew I never really felt the desire to be a parent. As a middle school kid some of my friends started babysitting so I figured I would try it out and after one time I knew it wasn’t my thing. I never had the desire to be around babies or hold them when I was young. I figured as I got older I would get that feeling of wanting to hold a baby, but I never got it. I had to go with my gut feelings and stay true to myself. I don’t think anyone should do anything just because everyone else is doing it.
Steve and I have been married now for eight years and going strong. We still live in the same home we purchased the year after our wedding. We have plans to take trips to explore other states such as Montana, Colorado and Texas. I’m planning more backpacking trips for next summer and working towards my dream to through hike the Tahoe Rim Trail and the John Muir Trail in the next few years. We are enjoying our freedom that being child free gives us and living our lives to the fullest. We still have a loving marriage and a cozy home- its just filled with barking instead of crying!
